Nadhirah's

 The economy is not the only one experiencing recession. Me too. I am experiencing it too in terms of my emotions. I have been struggling to pull myself together since last year due to transition from being in New Zealand and back to Malaysia, from a student to a working adult all within a year. It was a journey to heal from the fact that I am no longer in New Zealand living my ideal life of making my own little choices. This year was about struggling with my own self esteem and cramping my little slow brain with tons of knowledge which I have no idea if I could ever retain and apply it. It is also about not being able to make my own choices because of third party opinions which frustrates me so much because I hate not being in control of my own things. I am pretty sure this recession will not see its end soon. I had thought about this crazy period of 20s where we have a lot of transitions to go through but for sure I couldn’t prepare any better for it till I actually get through it. 

There are not many things that I really missed in high school, but one thing that I realized how much I missed is the faith I had in myself. I used to be so confident in myself and being my own strongest supporter. I believed in myself when not many believed in me that much. Because I saw my own potential and what I could achieve despite looking like I was going to flop.  But that one thing is what I’ve been missing ever since I’ve stepped into adulthood. The faith I had in myself fades away as I age. I foresee this would come eventually because I used to wonder why other people could not see their potential and were always insecure. And that kind of thought, I just knew it would come back around some day and I would understand it then. So, now here I am pouring my thoughts out. But I’m thankful even when I’m currently in my lows, when I am not my own strongest supporter, when I am an indeed impostor, I always have people like Taufiq, my colleague bestiq (Najwa) and my mom who would be

 sixteen-nine-twentytwo marks the first day i sleep with a ring on my left ring finger. Never been a fan of rings before, but from him is always an exception. In fact, it’s my favourite thing now.  This Malaysia day also marks the first day of meeting my future in-laws, witnessing the first union of our families. A nerve-wrecking day indeed while i am still on my last day of covid-fighting-week. But ended up worrying over nothing because Taufiq’s family is the warmest and sweetest. Felt soo so happy to finally meet them after years of knowing their son & dear brother.  Hoping this will be a good start of a relationship between two families. 

 Last weekend, we celebrated suraya’s 23 years of walking on this earth at a well-known cafe aka a cafe that has been hyped up by Asma’ Nasa, an ‘influencer’ I adore: Huckleberry. But truly, it was burning more of my pocket than giving me unforgettable meal haha that’s a problem of famous cafes these days. Viral cafes often don’t meet expectation neways, what do I expect? Despite that, I couldn’t rate the cafe lower than 4 stars because I really had a good time there catching up with my friends - yana, wana and of course, suraya.  It’s really crazy to think that we actually got back together after about 5 years leaving high school. 3 of us are roommates back in form 5, very close back then and kinda stopped talking during uni years, but boom we’re back baby. MashaAllah.  — The same weekend, I also went on a date with Taufiq. With his wish to explore Mitsui, off we go there - an hour drive just to eat a downgraded version of kfry (papafry btw) and baskin robbins hahaha our date, travell

 I think it’s time for me to write again. Welcome to another episode of renewed intention: Nadhirah trying her best to blog regularly. An annual resolution that has failed terribly for only-God-knows-how-many-consecutive-years. I am finally inspired to start a habit of writing in my train ride to/back work/home.  But what do I talk about? Things have been very rapidly moving since Ramadhan or since I’ve started working in my new department. And I have been loving it so far. Who knew I would enjoy working in a risk management team? It’s something that does not interest me in university. But I’m giving credits to my colleagues in the department because they’re warm and very supportive of us new members.  This is basically me rambling on anything that come across my mind at this second. I’ve celebrated my four years with T in April & my 23 years of living on this Earth in June. Wild to think about I’ve been stuck to this amazing guy and heading to forever insyaAllah soon (not so soon,

 #1 because I foresee this to be a series. We shall see. Here are thoughts of the day: Do I give 'advices' and opinions too much or the person that I'm talking to just chose to leave me hanging? I've always thought that I express too much but that's just me dumping my thoughts, and well sometimes people trigger the question, which made me dump my thoughts to them lol but I hate dumping my brain and not receiving any response especially when it's supposed to be a conversation. Or am I the only one who thinks it's a conversation?  Well, you're not a blog, at least respond ah. Because I like conversations. Two ways conversations. *** I have a 'presentation' tomorrow and I don't think I'm doing my work well enough to present tomorrow. All thanks to my procrastination and relaxation. I just realized that next week is literally my last (full) week in this department. Crazy. 6 months have passed. Finally. But also, that means I have to pick up m

​A toxic trait - idk if it is toxic or not, but it’s just a weird trait that I’ve realized lately is that I purposely forget some memories. Not like actively forgetting the memory but getting rid of any triggers that would remind me of them. Maybe it’s by default not wanting to remember anything good happened in the past because it hurts not being able to go back. It’s pretty random to think about this at 5pm on a Thursday. But I’m suddenly reminded of New Zealand and how precious it was to be discovering a foreign country and make it feel like home for two years. And it’s crazy that I’m supposed to move on from a place that I’ve once felt like home. Same goes to the days in Melaka. Another memory that I could think of is when I was in the school orchestra. Yea it was not all rainbow but being able to play a musical instrument is a dream. I’ve been dreaming of doing so since I was 8. And I finally get to do it, again, for two years. And I’ve yet to move on. Because I know I couldn’t go