Nadhirah's

 weeping tears of gratitude for this guy to be my special someone. before our daily midnight call ended today, he suddenly said not to stress too much on things, rest well and enough and to let him know of my worries and to not bottle it up alone. i was about to burst into tears then and there knowing so well i have so much going on in every role that i am - a daughter, an employee, a future bride, a friend. but we gotta sleep yo tomorrow’s a new day.

 i didn’t know how bad pre-wedding anxiety could get and how it could unleash the drawbacks of my ‘perfectionism’ characteristics

 ugh i hate feeling missing out on things knowing that i know that i don’t want it deep down, that i don’t wanna be spending that much of money, that i’ll be restless and uncomfortable.  i have my priorities and this is not even on my top list so i should be okay with it. but damn, seeing other people go makes me want to go too :(

 I think of how irony it is to have words of affirmation as my first love language, when I don’t grow up in a household of words of affirmation. When it is hard for me to utter and express the feelings I feel, especially the good ones. But the more that I reflect on it, the more it made sense. It’s the scarcity that needs to be filled in, hence appreciated more, rather than what I thought I’d appreciate - act of service.  And the people I meet in this life, the group of people I hang out with, completes me. Hearing I love yous from my fiancé everyday is what keeps me going, and hearing I love yous from my friends whenever we end a call/parting ways is a reminder that I’m okay, and my life is not bad at all.