that sudden series of mental breakdowns, shortness of breaths, and panic attacks came without failure every end of each trimester. It sucks. Feel like running away but where do i go? It’s a series of tears-rolling without actually knowing when will i stop, can i pick or will i pick myself up. *long sigh* where else i can be besides being on the prayer mat; sujud and crying? Isn’t that the best option?
Is it too late to realize that I had badly wasted this year's Ramadhan? Probably. Ramadhan is dull when it is not filled with good things. Clearly, I haven't done many good things in this Holy month and I regret it. I still remember the little pure me in standard 5, listening to 99 Names of Allah every night in Ramadhan and memorize it. Then, there's me again still pure in high school, benefiting every evening to read the Quran, trying to finish 30 juz in a month. and every year I would have a goal. Like one of those years in high school, I quit listening to music (well except nasyeeds). Where did that pure kid go? Looking at the bright side of this Ramadhan, I had done lots of pondering and self-reflection. Many people see me as someone who is modest, kind, pure and all (Disclaimer: these are not my words) but I know I am far from that. What people don't see is horrible. It's true that Allah keeps your aib very well. You know the dark side of yours that ...
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