Nadhirah's

i just realized that the last time i did this kind of post was like 4 years ago?? wow, i thought i did appreciation post & resolution list every year..boy, i was wrong. well this year, i feel like i should do it since i genuinely feel happy and satisfied the whole year. before i start with the thank you list, im so sorry if i have forgotten some of the memories i had and didn't mention in this post. Thank you (no particular order i suppose); Geng fun run - for making sem 3 BRAW classes less hambar and for all the after class mamak sesh and talks. although we are not geng anymore, yall had been a great company Hernie - for trusting me and understanding my changes and all and willing to say what and how you feel directly and properly - & your car Raden & Nisa - my ride (without yall, im nowhere) Room 261 - been nothing but a blessing!! we should have been housemates tbh... no one could replace yall. so precious. for all the gossips, fun times & karaoke-ing ...

on today’s episode of sentap. Okay so today, i had a conversation about how my lazy ass always not early when it comes to praying. But he told me that we are all tested differently and i kinda felt that since i think i struggle a lot with myself. And you know what they say, the hardest battle is fighting with yourself. This might seems like me exposing myself but I’m just sharing cuz it might ring a little bell in you, if u get what i mean. Then, coincidentally (i think) just now, after maghrib, i read the Quran like most of the times and today i felt a bit extra so i tried polishing my karat memory yang tak berapa nak hafal dah surahs in juz 30. So, I started with 3 kul and proceed until al-Quraisy but something tells me to read the translation for al-Ma’un mainly because of the translation is ‘assistance’. And there you go, sentap bukan :( okay that’s all i wanna share. I’ll try to wake up earlier for subuh and solat on time the best i can, be the best version of myself everyday...

i have no idea, i find it hard to breathe some days since last week. probably because of some anxiety or something and it's uncomfortable. i feel like all the air in the world is not enough for me to inhale or as if my lungs can't compress in all the oxygen available. also it's been two nights where i find myself tossing and turning -- can't sleep under 5 minutes like the usual nadhirah would do (no matter how many hours of sleep i had during the day). but last night i ended up sleeping during a call with my s/o. read somewhere on the internet on how-to-sleep-when-you're-freaking-exhausted-but-your-eyes-just-can't-seem-to-shut-down and one of the solutions is to listen to comforting sounds. yea, your voice is officially my lullaby from now on. however, i felt bit bad for leaving him hanging-- telling 'me' some bedtime stories. saw the phone call history and saw that he hung up after an hour of call, at 2a.m. again, felt bad cuz' he slept late and wo...

there are two things that i want rn; cry and home

today we have that annual interhouse competition for futsal and of course my boy is one of the players 🤪 he played so well despite i know how bad his migraines were this week and how tired he looked every day. Had the thought of bringing some energy drinks and chocolates to give him after each game but haih got no chance, yesterday i went home almost midnight so i didn’t get the chance to stop by anywhere and i thought that today i could buy la before the game starts but well my friends were late 😬 felt bit bad for not bringing anything tho but im really glad that he did very well and didn’t get injured or anything oh except for that one part where the ball hit his face right on the spectacles and ayo nasib ok lagi. But all in all he did greatttt and im so proud of him and the rest of the team hehe

that sudden series of mental breakdowns, shortness of breaths, and panic attacks came without failure every end of each trimester. It sucks. Feel like running away but where do i go? It’s a series of tears-rolling without actually knowing when will i stop, can i pick or will i pick myself up. *long sigh* where else i can be besides being on the prayer mat; sujud and crying? Isn’t that the best option?

just now i went to a sink, in a restaurant, to wash my hands. on my way to the sink, i carried my handbag by the zip with my left hand, letting the strap droop down. i didn’t realize there was a little girl walking around in front of me playfully and i accidentally dragged her with my handbag’s strap. she almost fell :( but she didn’t alhamdulillah. little did you know i was scared the family would glare and be mad at me like how you would expect everyone to react when you pushed someone’s child...but they didn’t. instead, they were all smiling at me and teasingly said to the little girl, “haa ayookk, uh oh terlanggar kakak”. that little incident weirdly made my day. why? idk, maybe because how they choose their reaction kot. Note to self: your reaction towards something could matter to someone

Is it too late to realize that I had badly wasted this year's Ramadhan? Probably. Ramadhan is dull when it is not filled with good things. Clearly, I haven't done many good things in this Holy month and I regret it.  I still remember the little pure me in standard 5, listening to 99 Names of Allah every night in Ramadhan and memorize it. Then, there's me again still pure in high school, benefiting every evening to read the Quran, trying to finish 30 juz in a month. and every year I would have a goal. Like one of those years in high school, I quit listening to music (well except nasyeeds). Where did that pure kid go? Looking at the bright side of this Ramadhan, I had done lots of pondering and self-reflection.  Many people see me as someone who is modest, kind, pure and all (Disclaimer: these are not my words) but I know I am far from that. What people don't see is horrible. It's true that Allah keeps your aib very well. You know the dark side of yours that ...

of what it seems impossible turns possible ❤️

Last week was one of the tough weeks I had in my life (as a student, of course). It's basically because of an event that we have to hold. It was kinda like the first event that we did independently and we took full responsibility for its ups and downs. Alhamdulillah we managed to get it through. Thanks to a great team I have and wonderful friends around. It's true when people say; The tougher it gets, the greater the pleasure The huge sense of relief after the week ended is a repayment for all of us. It was indeed a success although when it seems to flow quite well, everything falls apart. but I believe it is You who wants us to learn from hardships.  Indeed, with hardship comes ease I once read on Twitter that this Quran verse does not mean that after  hardship comes ease but along  with the hardship there's ease. All of our tough times are blessings in disguise. It's either you believe it or not. We may think that our life is harder than others and that no on...

"aku ni teruk sangat ke?" this question has been repeating in my mind for the past 24 hours and i think it is very disturbing. for those who were with me for the past 24 hours and wondered what's wrong with me, i'm truly sorry but i was totally out of it.  so today i have usrah and i was, honestly, really lazy. you know, the point of me joining an usrah is to be better but well, syaitan's whispers are goddamn annoying but thank God nurin encouraged me to go. so of course la i go (ikhlas la ok). and let me tell you, thank God i went to usrah today. the topic was wide and huge but i think it really had comforted me, cik imah's wise words really calmed me down and it feels as if she had the same problem as mine once upon a time too. and turns out she became a beautiful human being in and out today. i don't know about you but i always have this point in life when i feel as if i was behind everyone in terms of attitude and heart. indeed, it is an insecuri...