a tribute to my late grandfather

it's been slightly more than a month since i experienced a loss of someone close to me, my late grandfather. i've been wanting to write something about this but didn't (idk). a month and i still cry when i think of him. we're not that close but something about him made him a special person in my heart. atuk, he's a great man. he gives without expecting any return, he is known for his generosity. he gives and keeps giving to the people around him including his grandchildren. he never lets us return home without taking some snacks inside the cabinets, or some amount of money. he prayed for us every night, he remembered us in his hajat prayers. he told us he asked Allah for our success. maybe that's why we're having it quite easy in our studies. everytime we visit him, he'll ask, "nadhirah berapa lama lagi dekat Melaka?" "lagi berapa bulan nak fly?" "dah exam? exam macam mana?" etc. he cared for us so much. i miss those questions. i miss him.

his death had impacted me so much because it was my first time experiencing a loss, and it made me realize how death could happen to us anytime. at the least expected time. my atuk always look healthy until the last few times i saw him. but i never expected those were the last few times i would ever see him, kiss his hands. i didn't even remember when was the last time i saw him before he's gone from this world. that added extra sadness. what a shame.

i received the news when i was studying for an upcoming test, at night. it was raining. i was laughing seconds before my dad whatsapped our family group. i immediately burst into tears after reading the message. i cannot believe what i read. i tried so hard to redha but it was hard, it was really hard. sometimes i succeed, but many time i failed and cried out of nowhere like now. the song 'Menanti di Bazarkh' really triggered my feels, thus this post.

Al-fatihah, arwah Haji Hashim bin Musa