Hectic spm journey

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I felt like writing this post 2 weeks ago but suddenly rasa malas nak mampos so now here i go.
last year is the busiest year ever of course because yelah kan i joined spwinds and got the chance to perform in Los Angeles kekeke it was a fun experience & all the memorable experiences, i really missed it. So we went to LA in june which is during the ramadhan & we had been practising for the whole first half of the year so just imagine la how hard my life in that first half because im a freshie so i need to work hard-all out for this international competition so i decided to ditch my studies & work harder for spwinds instead. Dah ditch studies tu lepastu ada exam ha ha ha padan muka exam mid year. I literally study the exam subjects a night before every paper & guess what my result was: 4As only and the others were Bs & C (sejarah la apa lagi hahahaha) i guess... & yeah i was the last ranked girl in the class another haha for me.
After finally settled with LAIMF & WOC, i decided to concentrate on my studies la pulak because i have around a month (i think) to get ready for my trial, i believed in myself that i can do it. But it was hard of course 😭 & i end up getting 6As for my trial with 3 B plus (& not forget to mention that i was the only one that got B for sejarah while everyone got As) never have i felt very insecure before in my life. I got ranked last again but managed to get in the 1000 range in sbp alhamdulillah better than my mid year because i was ranked 2k something before tapi syukur je lah.
I hated sejarah, clearly explained why i was the only one getting C when the rest of the class got As & Bs and again i was the only one getting B when the rest of the class got As ayo why my life... then there's collaboration with rmc boys, I swear they were very good in Sejarah so study la with them with all the books given. It helped me a lot though i was sick on the collaboration day. How did it help? I rasa tercabar yalls hahahah i mean how can they be that good when i really suck at sejarah so i learn from them (bookmarking every single important chapters, highlighting every single important keywords) thanks to my partner la especially such a good example (i hope you don't read this)
ok so that is one of the subject that i suck at
the next one is of course le chemistry but with the help of cikgu latika and cikgu adura and their handouts & tips & motivations, i managed to terima la & stop hating chemistry. Not to forget my friends & dorm mates & also cikgu tuition—sir su (also my school teacher but he didn't teach our batch chemistry). One of my other initiatives was teaching other people what i understand in chemistry so I won't forget what i know & sharing is caring anyway. It's good helping & teaching others because sometimes when you're stucked & you can't explain further more and started to get confused, that is when you know you don't understand 💯
so yadah yadah yadah there's one day i still remember it clearly, it was one of the hardest day in life. Homework banyak nak mampus literally like 10cm + tall everyday sometimes memang tak tersentuh & can't take it anymore but for spm sake for future sake for scholarship sake, i have to bear it just a little bit more :'( i cried the whole day just by looking at the stack of handouts, cried a lot of times literally everywhere, i was completely stressed out & demotivated af so i can only cry, makan nangis, solat nangis, nak bagitahu orang kenapa nangis pun nangis lagi hahaha how weak i was that day. But teacher raihana also said that there will be that one particular day when you just can't take it anymore & i guess that was my day. But after that day of course la i got back up & renew, refresh blabla berjihad balik hahah ok...
hmm is that it? I guess so.
okay then the spm day came & went with the wind 💨 i think i did my best though some questions were just bullsh*t hahahahhaha well i hope i did ok, tawakkal je la yang penting dah berusaha.
by reading this i may seem like a hardworking person but please jangan tertipu because i am the laziest person at dorm (at least) yelah, orang lain semua pergi class belajar, i duduk atas katil and belajar then sometimes zzz hahaha i just couldn't leave my bed because i am more comfortable studying on my bed rather than my class sebab apa sebab saya insecure terlebih. Okay sekian

the struggle is real

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