2019; a reflection

hey, guess who's back? hahaha wah, it's been so long since I've written the last post. I've been wanting to blog, as usual, me all day, all week but didn't do it anyway. so here I am, after 11 days of procrastinating my past year review.

last year has been...honestly, I don't even remember most parts except for when I flew here to NZ, and the loss of my dear grandfathers, cousin and grandaunt. I'm sure it was a pretty bittersweet year, so let's recall, shall we? (I'll scroll my pictures while blogging this)

January

this day last year, we (Keas) had our Secret Santa 2.0 - that's fun and games

20 - celebrated ain and melon's birthday

22 - my dad got admitted to the hospital - med issues, alhamdulillah everything went well

March

15 - celebrated Nunad's birthday at Encore, Melaka - ah good times

22 - Malam Seribu Bintang after having hard times designing posters for this big event, successful! my boy got the Best Dress Award, so proud

27 - Petrosains with my best friend and best boyfriend!!

April

3 - one of the dates where we explore Melaka - went in one of the temples there, amazing

17 - my paternal grandfather, Almarhum Haji Hashim, passed away. Al - Fatihah

21 - Superpark! for our first year together

30 - golf time, with Keas - fun times and also, Valedictory Night - not so fun time :(

June

15 - 18 - went berhari raya with my sisthrens and went playing tourists with my clique in Kuala Lumpur. we visited some deers, Planetarium Negara, Petrosains and walk a lot, sweat a lot and took Grabs too

July 

5 - flew to NZ. from Kuala Lumpur to Auckland to Christchurch. it's the day that I wished my arwah paternal grandfather would witness. He would always ask me when will I fly, little did I know he wasn't going to be here anymore by that time.

20 - 2 weeks in, our first trip in New Zealand - Castle Hill. We were expecting snow, but too bad all the snow melted already, it was just wet and raining

August 

12 - first Raya Haji perantauan, celebrated with Cantereaglez too, at our house

28 - first time going to Lake Tekapo - a short getaway. ahh good time, I wanna go back. even though it was fake snow..we had good times

October 

3 - my beloved cousin, Almarhumah Nurul Hazwanie, had passed away after battling with so much pain for so long. Sl-Fatihah.

November

full of trips, short and long. we had Welli turtles in Christchurch. ride the gondola, explore places to eat and some catch-up sessions. went to Akaroa to visit the cuties aka the alpacas at Shamara Alpaca. went to Auckland and Wellington too! I love my summer trips!! good places, favourite company, perfect time.

December

14 - my maternal grandfather, Almarhum Muhamad, passed away. Al-Fatihah.

2019 was the year of pain I would say. It was the year that I discovered how a big of a pain I am because of my temper. It was the year that I've lost both of my beloved grandfathers, cousin and grand-aunt, which never fail to bring tears to my eyes whenever I think of them and whenever the songs of death reminders played on Spotify. That overshadows everything. It must be harder for my parents but I felt it too. I was only there to attend their pengebumian once, which was when my paternal grandfather died. When the others passed away, I wasn't in Malaysia to see them for one last time. I never ever thought that day came sooner than I expected. I felt sorry for sometimes refusing to visit them. Regrets that can never be undone. 2019 taught me that redha is difficult. I don't know how it would be to be their parents/son/daughter. Since then, 2019 became the year that I wanted to make changes for myself. I really wanted to become better since I have no clue when I, too, will pass away. 

Despite the pain and sadness, 2019 was the year that I continued my studies in New Zealand. It was the year I was given the chances to grow, be independent, and explore the world. It was the year that I really think of my future and work hard for it. 2019 was the year full of firsts, in terms of trips and experiences. I am grateful that I am able to explore loads of places, Google said I've been to 20 cities in 2019 and that's a good thing. I wish to explore more places especially with my favourite person ever and my friends. Alhamdulillah for being able to live till this day, can't wait to see what 2020 has in store for me.